First off I gotta say Happy Birthday! :D Hope you have a good one, you deserve it.
As for the story--I also love the hand-biting scene; but I can sympathize with what you're feeling (I've written a few stories off and on, and I often think to myself "it needs more work"). Still, I think it's very well written, the timing and description all flow together perfectly. But I could also say the same thing for the rest of the story--everything fits together well, making it easy to read and pleasant to read.
Most of all I really like the characterization...you give everyone a clear personality and great attention to detail without going overboard. I want to keep reading more past the ending (hint :D).
I think you can't go wrong with this. But if you do plan on revising it, it could only get better; since there's nothing wrong with working on it until it fits your vision. I look forward to whatever you decide to do next.
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Date: 2006-09-30 05:33 pm (UTC)As for the story--I also love the hand-biting scene; but I can sympathize with what you're feeling (I've written a few stories off and on, and I often think to myself "it needs more work"). Still, I think it's very well written, the timing and description all flow together perfectly. But I could also say the same thing for the rest of the story--everything fits together well, making it easy to read and pleasant to read.
Most of all I really like the characterization...you give everyone a clear personality and great attention to detail without going overboard. I want to keep reading more past the ending (hint :D).
I think you can't go wrong with this. But if you do plan on revising it, it could only get better; since there's nothing wrong with working on it until it fits your vision. I look forward to whatever you decide to do next.